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Thursday, January 1, 2004
Hello To All and Happy New Year,
  Wow, can you believe it, 2004!?  When I think back to 1994 and where I was then it makes me smile to see how far I have come.  I was in college and studying to be a preacher.  It seemed like that was what I was meant for.  I love teaching and love church.  But after a year there I felt out of place and moved back to my parents house.  After about 8 months I knew I needed to get out and make my own way.  I wasn't happy with my life.  So this headstrong, independent, no one can tell me what to do kid, joined the US Air Force.  My parents say it was an act of rebellion against God and they may be right, but I think it was something I needed to do to help me grow up and experience things on my own.  I have had good times and bad, but over all it has been a great experience and I am pretty happy with the way my life has turned out.  I have a beautiful wife who loves me and is carrying my unborn son.  I like my job and enjoy doing electrical work.  I have traveled overseas to Germany and the surrounding countries, something I probably never would have been able to afford outside of the military and I have great friends all over the world.  Over all I am a happy and content man.  I will be turning 29 this August but I feel like 25.  So to all my friends and family across the planet, I say Happy New Year!  May this year be the best that you have ever known, may God smile down on you and in His infinite love may He bless and keep you and watch over you.  I hope we all get to meet again soon but until then, know that my thoughts and prayers go with you and your families. 
  So, Amy is 37 weeks this past Monday.  That is full term.  Which means we made it.  This will probably be my last Journal Entry before the RugRat gets here.  I have only one small issue with this, after all that noise Blayne made about coming out early now he has shown no interest joining those of us in the real world.  I am slightly upset with him, I mean I thought we had a deal.  He was supposed to be born right at 37 weeks, full term but still a few days before the New Year.  The deal was if he came out before the 1st and I got that $1000.00 tax credit then he had 5 Get out of Jail free cards that he could redeem at any time over the next 18 years.  It was a good deal.  If he is anything like me he will need them.  We even shook hands on it.  Did he honor his side of the deal?  Well it is January 1st and Amy still has a beach ball in her stomach and the crib in the baby room is still empty.  He is already starting off on the wrong foot with dear old Dad.  I can't wait till he is old enough to ground!  Ha-Ha, I am Dad, I am all powerful, retribution for a $1000.00 lost will be collected!!  Who am I kidding, one smile from him and I will probably cry like a little girl. 
  Amy finished Nesting last night.  She walked in the living room and said, it is done!  I said, "Really? I think there is one thing missing."  She looked confused and asked what could be missing, I mean we have the crib with Pooh covers, Pooh mobile and Pooh side pads, we have a Pooh clock, Pooh bouncer, Pooh stroller, Pooh wall hanging, Pooh Pack-and-play, Pooh clothes, Pooh clothes hamper, Pooh lamp, a dozen Pooh toys on the corner shelf and Pooh stickers on everything that wasn't Pooh already to include the trash can, diaper genie and changing table, we even have Pooh baby wipes!  What could we possibly be missing?  I pointed at her belly and said, "We are missing the whole reason we have single handedly allowed Disney to build two more theme parks and make five more movies, the little Sunspot, our son, Blayne."  She smiled and said, "Oh yeah, him."  Any time now!  But, New Years Eve came and New Years Eve went away and still no little Bundle of Joy.  The Stork never made it to our house.  He needs a new compass or something.  Maybe my Dad saw him and thought he was a squirrel trying to get in the eve of his house and shot him (inside joke between my folks and Amy). 
  Ok, I will explain, it is too good to pass up.  My parents are more on the country side than Amy is used to.  They aren't hillbillies or anything but they definitely aren't city folk either.  I love my folks and so does Amy but she is still getting to know them which is what made this so funny.  Here we go.  I called my Mom the other day and we were talking when she yelled at my Dad to be careful, I asked what was going on and she said that Dad was shooting squirrels.  Confused myself I asked "Why is Dad shooting squirrels?"  She explained that squirrels had been chewing through the eve of their house and had been getting inside the attic.  They were going to fix it but had to get rid of the squirrels that had got in the attic first, so everytime Dad saw a squirrel on top of the house he would get out his .22 and shoot them.  OK, that makes sense, we live out in the woods and own about three acres so know one cares if you shoot your guns or not.  But all Amy heard was my side of the conversation.  She looked at me with a questioning look and asked why my Dad was shooting squirrels and I couldn't resist, I said " Well, Mom and Dad are coming up this weekend and they wanted to bring up some fresh squirrel for dinner."  Oh Man, you should have seen the absolute look of pure horror that was on her face.  It was priceless, I only wish I had my camera.  If ever I saw a "Kodak Moment", that was it!!!  She said, "WHAT???!!!"  I said, "Yeah, we always have squirrel.  No one cooks up squirrel like my Mom."  Amy is starting to hyperventilate.  My Mom can hear all of this and is laughing so hard she was crying, she said ask her if she wants some opossum and grits?  So I asked Amy.  I thought she was going to get sick.  She turned the most interesting shade of green.  This whole time I had kept a straight face, I couldn't take it any more, I started laughing.  After a second or two Amy caught on that it was a joke and started the whole, Shooting Daggers With Her Eyes thing.  I explained the whole story to it and she finally started laughing.  I asked her if she really thought my parents were that redneck and she said, well I don't know them very well and they do live in the woods!  My Mom and I laughed and laughed. 
  So anyway, back to the email.  Blayne is still hiding and Amy is miserable.  She can barely stand up and needs help to get in and out of bed.  She is so tiny and her belly is so big that it over-balances her.  Poor thing!  But we are doing great, we are still in love with each other even if she sometimes can't stand me even breathing near her.  I am nervous.  Will she be ok, will my son be ok, will I be a good Dad etc...  You know, all the things Dads-to-be think about.  The other day I was thinking, what if the ultrasounds were wrong and we have a girl.... I asked Amy and she said she had been thinking the same thing.  We hadn't picked a girls name yet.  This is not meant to alarm anyone, we still think it will be a boy and have planned accordingly.  But, you never know.  So we set about finding a girls name.  I just wanted to keep it Blayne Austin regardless but a sharp elbow to the stomach changed my mind.  So after about two hours we came up with Haylee Rose. 
  That makes us ready.  Last weekend we bought a digital camera to make sure we have plenty of embarrassing picture to show future girlfriends.  I must say that us being ready is in large part due to our family.  We have everything setup and put together.  We have received so many gifts from family and friends that we now have just about everything we need (and almost all Pooh I might add), I would also like to thank the people at my Fathers church who I also consider family, they sent many wonderful gifts for our son as well.  Everything was beautiful.  They have also been praying everytime Amy has gone to the hospital and every day since they found out we were pregnant.  Thank you for your gifts and your prayers, they have both helped. 
  That is about all that has been going on.  We are doing well and looking forward to having our son at home with us and starting the journey that is Parenthood.  The shaping, molding and warping of a young mind.  I only hope that we are as good as our parents. 
 
Thanks For Reading and, I hope, Laughing,
Shawn
 
Things I have learned..........
41.  Babies have no concept of time!
42.  Babies also have no concept of what $1000.00 is worth.
43.  37 weeks of carrying my son makes Amy grumpy.
44.  Apparently, even my breathing can upset my wife.  
45.  Nauseousness comes back in full force after 37 weeks.
46.  Finding Sparkling White Grape juice at 10:30 pm on New Years Eve is IMPOSSIBLE!!!
47.  All our favorite shows are reruns during Christmas and New Years.  "I can't believe CSI is a rerun AGAIN!" becomes a common phrase in the Holmes House!
48.  My unborn son is getting junk mail.  Hello, he can't read yet!!!!!!  And no he doesn't need his own Unsecured Visa card!!!
49.  I never knew getting pregnant means the husband becomes slave labor.  
50.  Disney owes us and our family a thank you for the support we have given them.
 
And one extra for the heck of it!!!!!!!!!
 
51.  I have learned that I have a lot to learn!   

 

 

Saturday, December 13, 2003
Hello My Family and Friends,
  We survived the second part of the In-Law Invasion this weekend.  This time it was Amy's turn to deal with my family.  My Mom, Dad, Brother Jason and his wife Leah came up bearing gifts for us and Blayne.  This weekend was a lot easier for me than when Amy's Mom and Dave came down.  I learned a lot since then.  When Amy's Mom was down Dave and I were the ones doing all the cooking and the cleaning.  Boy was I stupid, I should have made her Mom do everything.  But when my Mom came down I used her infinite love for me against her and she did most of the cooking and cleaning up!!  I am getting smarter each day.  Wait till Amy's Mom comes down, she will be mopping and cleaning the oven by the end of the weekend!!!  (Note to Amy's Mom- Bring cleaning gloves cause the oven cleaner burns!!) 
  We had a good time with my parents though, they brought all kinds of stuff for the kid, clothes, clothes, clothes, a crib, a changing table, did I mention clothes, as well as some other things.  We also got a pretty picture frame for the baby from Jason and Leah.  Amy got a blanket for her cold spells, a beautiful picture frame and a beautiful Snow Baby.  She said the Snow Baby meant a lot because her Grandmother used to collect them and it is holding a rose which is one of her Mom's favorite things.  So she loves that.  My Brother Jason and his wife Leah got her a Family Flip photo album that sits on the coffee table.  My parent's got me the new X-Men DVD and a Battle Axe, yes you read that right, a Battle Axe.  I collect medieval  stuff, armor, swords etc..  This is my first weapon though and  will have to hang it up high lest Amy, in a fit of pregnant rage, decides to make me a eunuch!!  My Brother and his wife bought me a dart board.  No where to put it now but hopefully one day!
  Jason and I went and played basketball while he was here.  I had a blast but was a little sore after, guess I am getting old.  He has endless energy and makes me sick.  I miss him a lot though and it was great to see him. 
  So, we had a great time.  Amy didn't feel good but she loved having them here.  They brought a lot of gifts from themselves as well as my church family.  And if you know Amy, she loves gifts!!!!
  Some of the stuff came from a very, very good friend of mine, kind of an adopted little sister.  She recently suffered a major tragedy.  She lost her baby.  She was a little over eight months pregnant when she lost her little girl.  There are no words to express the sympathy that one feels when something like this happens.  You can only tell them that you love them and are there for them.  It hit Amy and I both pretty hard because we are about as far along as she was and have had so many problems that we are both scared of the same thing happening to us.  So if you are reading this Lil Sis, know that we love you and if you need us we are only a phone call away.  Thank you for the things you sent with Mom and Dad, I know we will use them a lot!!!
  We have also been getting a lot of stuff from Amy's Dads side of the family.  They have been very generous.  Grandpa Shanks sent the stroller/car seat combo we wanted.  Amy about had a fit when I teased her about waiting till the weekend to put it together, good thing I put the Battle Axe up!!  But I put it together right away, threats were made and I obeyed.  I am getting good at that.  My new favorite phrase is "Yes Dear, whatever you want Dear!"  Amy found a shirt that I think fits us, it is for the husband and reads, "I do what the voices in my wife's head tells me to do."  We also received two beautiful outfits, four receiving blankets and some socks from Gloria.  I especially like the outfit that says "Daddy's Boy", not sure why but it just has a certain ring to it!!
  I think Amy has put our mailing address on every free magazine and coupon book type junk mail that there is.  I swear that our mailbox is totally responsible for a forest per day being cut down for paper.  She says that I will thank her because of coupons, maybe, but when I have to take out the trash six times a day because she reads 22 different magazines a day I think the money spent on trash bags outdoes the savings in coupons.  But, I digress, she is pregnant and my mantra is "Yes Dear, whatever you want Dear!" 
  Now lets talk about "Nesting".  This is a phase of pregnancy that a woman goes through where the house as to be cleaned and the baby's room perfect.  Amy has been in this phase for a week or so now, but the problem is she is on bed rest.  The only other person in the house is me!  So again I repeat my mantra over and over and put things just right and then move them a little to the left, then a little to the right, then back where I had it in the first place.  But when things get frustrating for me I just think to myself, we are having a boy and in ten years the guys will out number the women in this house two to one.  Unless we have a girl next but even then, the men will be ahead for a long while. 
  So, two of the three sets of parents were here and the baby room is just about all nested up, I am getting good at obeying my wife and my mantra is still working, so life moves on and we get closer to B-Day.  I still say 37 weeks is long enough.  If he is born before New Years we get $1200.00 back and Daddy needs a bigger T.V.!  So I asked Blayne the other day if he wouldn't mind taking care of his old man and being born around the 37 wee mark.  He kicked twice and started hiccupping so I took that as a sign he was with me.  He can learn football, I mean his ABC's, a lot faster on a 36" TV versus a 25" one.  Plus action movies, I mean Sesame Street, looks a lot better on a bigger screen.
  Side Bar-  I came home from work the other day to find Amy in shorts and a tank top with all the fans in the house on and the Air Conditioner on 60 deg and the outside temp at 45 deg.  She was still sweating and I was freezing.  Then, ten minutes later, she had the heat on and set at 90 with four blankets and hot chocolate because she was cold.  Whatever,  pregnant women are all nuts!!
  I think that is about all for this episode of As The Baby Turns, join us next time when Shawn explains the hidden religious meaning behind his Mantra, "Yes Dear, whatever you want Dear!" 
Thanks and Love to all,
Shawn "Yes Dear" Holmes
 

Things I have learned….

31.  For a pregnant woman, dropping your keys is the end of the world! 

32.  Pregnant women can’t get up off the floor without help.

33.  Time flies when you do what your told!  We are at 35 weeks this coming Monday, 15 Dec.

34.  Pregnant women like junk mail that focuses on babies.

35.  I should start up a junk mail for babies company and make lots of money.

36.  When Amy hit the nesting phase, I, apparently, also hit the nesting phase, even though I was not aware of it!

37.  Family and friends love to send Baby gifts, Amy and I love to receive them!

38.  Baby's need BIG TV screens to watch Bob the Builder and Elmo's World, football is better too but that is a secondary benefit, I promise!

39.  Cold, hot, cold, hot, make up your mind already!  The Heating/AC unit is confused and so am I.

40.  "Yes Dear, whatever you want Dear!" 

 

Monday, December 1, 2003
Hello Again,
  It has been a few weeks and I thought it was time I write again as a few things have happened since my last entry.
  Lots of thoughts have filled my head lately (surprising to some I am sure).  I have been thinking about how much I love my wife.  She has been going through such a hard pregnancy and other than the occasional panic attack due to needles she has been great.  She is such a strong person.  Despite the pain and problems with the pregnancy she has kept an upbeat attitude and fairly cheerful disposition.  We have both shared our doubts with each other about how good or bad we will be as parents and if we are ready to be parents (not that it matters, he is coming regardless), but we both are as ready as we can be and happy over all that we are going to be parents.  Despite our doubts we are sure this is what we want and can't wait for the day to arrive when our beautiful (and he will be beautiful) son arrives to start his life.  I only hope and pray that we do right by him.  If we can do as good as our parents I know we will be successful. 
  OK, enough of this mushy stuff, on to the good stuff.  I survived the dreaded "Weekend with the Mother-In-Law".  It was touch and go there for a while but I managed not to throw myself or her off my balcony.  The ill-fated weekend began on Thursday, Thanksgiving, SHE arrived at around 4:30 pm.  It was strange, the apartment shrunk and the lights dimmed as she walked into the room.  It was as if Evil itself had arrived!!!  I am kidding of coarse.  I have been blessed with two great sets of in-laws, Amy's Dad, Don and wife Jennie as well as Amy's Mom, Sheri and boyfriend Dave.  I get along great with all of them.  We had a wonderful time.  Thanksgiving Dinner went well other than me buying Corned Beef Brisket instead of regular Brisket (never trust the Wal-Mart guy) .  But it turned out all right.  Dave is a great guy.  He has a very sharp wit like I do.  We quickly ganged up on the girls and the fun began.  Sometimes I would set him up and he would knock 'em down and sometimes he would set me up and I would knock 'em down.  It was very entertaining.  I had a lot of apologizing to do after they left....  A full body massage erases a lot of stupid comments!!  Anyway, Mom got to meet the girls at Arby's as well as the gang at Wal-Mart.  Sheri-Mom and Amy went Bra shopping, I wasn't allowed to go.  Apparently I can be the father of her child but this is a little to personal.  I discovered that Blayne has a great sense of humor as he would only kick where Sheri-Mom's hand was not!!  The nut doesn't fall very far from the tree.  I feel bad for Amy if he is just like me.
  Dave taught me a few things as well, he told me about putting Crisco on my pots and pans so that they retain their non-stickiness.  He also showed me how to do the egg flip thing with the pan so I don't need to use a spatula/turner thing.  I also helped him a little to, I helped him with the remotes for the TV and showed him how to hang the phone up the right way, that one beat him pretty good.  The fan kind of whooped him but that was my fault as I told him to push the knob to stop it turning instead of pulling it up.  He was frustrated for a while until he figured out I was telling him wrong.  Sorry about that Dave, but it was funny.  Overall though I really enjoyed meeting him and think he is a great guy. 
  We had to do the tourist thing, not many beaches in Northern Kentucky.  Sheri-Mom got her sea shells and her beach sand.  Dave got to carry said sea shells and beach sand.  Though why she needed 10 - five gallon buckets of sand I don't know.  Dave wanted a pink flamingo but I couldn't find one. 
  I have only one complaint about the weekend- why did the guys do 95% of the cooking and 100% OF THE CLEANNING???
  Oh well, one more thing to add to my list to submit for the Husband of the Year Award!!!  I think I can win!!
  I would like to thank Sheri-Mom for all the stuff she brought down for us, from the 26 bottles of Kentucky Water to the 10 bags of Mike Sells potatoe chips that Amy has been craving.  She also brought down a lot of hand-made items for Blayne, quilts, hats, boots and a wall hanging.  All that water should keep Amy going to the bathroom every five minutes for the next month or so. 
  I guess that is about all for now.  I can't think of anything else that might be interesting 200 years from now should some descendant of mine stumble across these ramblings.  So I will finish with a couple more "Things I have learned."
 
Things I have learned....
21.  Beach sand is a lot harder for a pregnant woman to walk on than concrete.
22.  Steps are evil.
23.  Babies need lots of stuff.
24.  Apparently, all the stuff that my parents used when I was a baby was very unsafe and I should not be alive.
25.  Amy loves NASCAR but not when she is in the wheel chair and I am the driver.
26.  Pregnant women can't roll over.
27.  Amy's best friend is not me, it is a guy named Mr. Ben Gay.
28.  Thanksgiving meals are a pain to clean up after (I hope to go to my Mom's house from now on).  I know it isn't pregnancy related but it is my list and I will write whatever I want.
29.  Breast feeding bra's are cool!!!
30.  Never leave your wife and her mother in the baby section at Wal-Mart.

 

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Hello All my Friends and Family,
  I understand that my last journal entry was read and loved by all.  That makes me happy.  One young lady on a website that my wife chats on with other pregnant women said that reading it made her day turn from one of misery and negativity to a day of laughter and amusement.  That makes me feel very good and I hope that the following entry puts a smile on the face of those that read it.  I believe in laughter and use it to make bad situations easier to deal with all the time (sometimes much to my wife's dismay).  So with out further ado,
 

My Journal Entry- 13 November 2003

 
  I love my wife!  That is not just words either, I have spent the last three days proving that to her and the medical staff of two separate hospitals.  But before I jump the gun I must take you back to a couple days ago, specifically, 11 Nov 03. 
  I had Tuesday off for Veterens Day and was spending it doing what I love, reading about football on the internet and watching TV when Amy said she wasn't feeling well (the symptoms have been changed to protect my wife from embarrassment as she is shy).  I told her to call the Doc.  She didn't want to at first because she hates needles and since Doctors use needles a lot she hates Doctors.  I finally convinced her to call and the next thing I know we are driving to the hospital to see the Doctors with the needles (this is called foreshadowing- needles play a significant part of this story).  When we got to the hospital Amy was put in a bed and poked and prodded in all kinds of ways and places.  No man likes to see his woman go thought this but secretly all men think- "Better her than me!"  I told her I wished I could take her place and go through all this for her but that was just me being caught up in the moment!  I don't think I would wish some of the things they do to you poor women on my worst enemy, let alone volunteer to do it in her place!  Take a bullet for her, you bet, let one of them Doctors do that to me, not a chance!  But as the man you have to try to sympathize with the love of your life even though you know it is a lie.  Just don't tell Amy, I don't want to burst her bubble!  She still sees me as a sensitive guy.  Side bar- Ladies, I have a lot more respect and admiration for you now after seeing the torture devices they use on you, at least they could heat them up, is that too much to ask? 
  Anyway, apparently Blayne had decided that he was tired of playing "Kick Mommy as Hard as You Can" and was ready to come out and play catch with Daddy cause he was working on being born right then and there.  The Doc went crazy because they can't deliver a premature baby.  They shot Amy full of stuff to stop the contraction.  Magnesium and saline solution.  She hates needles and the poor nurse had a rough time getting the IV in.  It took them three times to get a vein.  Amy was not happy (read- she was near psychotic)  After the IV was set in we were informed that the ambulance that was coming for her would only let her in if she had a catheter.  Somehow Amy got it in her head that that meant giant needle going in a very private place.  We have now past psychotic and went straight to hysterical.  We finally got her calmed down enough to show her what was going on and it went pretty well after that.  I got a preview of how she would act during natural child birth and it was scary.  Amy wants drugs and I am not about to argue!  I know this must sound like I am making fun of Amy but I am not.  She did incredibly well.  She is needlephobic and my poor Baby was poked so much that I think I am needle phobic now!  She did better than I could ever have hoped for.
  About and hour later two guys (ANGELS) show up to drive Amy to Sacred Heart Med Center in Pensacola.  This is the best place in the area to deal with Pre-term Labor.  They have had babies as premature as 23 weeks survive, we are at 30 weeks.  I knew right away th two Ambulence Drivers were a gift from God when one of the the drivers (a short plump fellow) walked up and introduced himself as Spanky and his partner as Opie, of the Andy Griffith Show fame.  He informed us that it was our fault that his partner (Opie) was missing the Andy Griffith Reunion Show that was on TV.  Apparently Opie was really looking forward to seeing himself on TV.  Amy started laughing and said, "Shawn wanted to watch that tonight too."  For once I wasn't the funny one.  I can live with that, it made Amy laugh and that was all that mattered.  Amy was initially afraid of riding in an ambulance but in two minutes time Spanky had won her heart and she couldn't wait to get in the ambulance, what is it with women and guys in uniforms?  Spanky and Opie got her strapped in to the gurney, which was way cool by the way.  It looked like something Dewalt tool company would make.  It had off-road tires and seat belts.  Nascar would have been proud.  They wheeled her down and I followed.  We got her in the ambulance and away they went.  I couldn't go with them, I had to drive the car.  I went home and got her favorite blanket and her stuffed animal that she grew up with.  I grabbed a few other items and away I went.  After calls to family and my boss I was starting down the road.  45 minute later I was at the hospital trying to figure out where I was and how to get to my wife. 
   I walked into the room where she was and she smiled her beautiful smile and said "Shawn!!!  I missed you, Guess what, Spanky was from the same place in Ohio that I am."  Like I said- they were angels.  What are the chances the two most perfect guys would show up?  They calmed her down and she actually enjoyed the ride. 
   Three hours later we had learned that her contractions had stopped and that they were keeping us there for observation.  She was poked and prodded several more times but held up like a trooper.  I have really never been more proud of her.  We finally were allowed to sleep around 3 in the morning.  A bed was given to me to sleep on.  It was 5 feet long.  I am 6' 2" tall.  But I was next to My Love and that was all that mattered.  So we drifted off to sleep for a long restful hour before they came in to check her vitals.  Every hour on the hour for the next 9 hours they did this.  Then we were released to the main floor.  No longer would we be checked every hour.  Only once or twice a day.  They had sent out all kinds of samples for tests.  Amy was hooked up to all kinds of machines when we first got there but now she was only hooked up to a machine that massaged her legs to ensure no blood clots would be created. 
  I went home to call the family and friends, email her chat room friends so they wouldn't worry (you girls are the best.  I printed off about 17 encouraging replies before I left and they put a big smile on her face and in her heart)  OK, this next part is a little personal for me but I think it deserves to be told.  I was, how do I say this politely, reading in the bathroom.  I was reading my The Expectant Father book (highly recommended for all Dad's to be or Dad's to be again)  I was reading about how when women dream of babies they are infants and very tiny, but when men dream of their unborn children they are usually around 4 or 5, old enough to play catch with etc...  well I started thinking about all those things and how I wouldn't be able to do them if Amy and Blayne didn't make it through this.  Well, my throat started to tighten and my eyes misted over.  I didn't cry, I want that understood, but I did decide that that was the wrong book to read and put it down immediately.  I told Amy of this later and she almost cried as well.  She made me promise to tell you all this when I wrote. 
  I went back to the hospital and found Amy laying in bed watching TV.  The nurses were great, they showed me where all the snacks and drinks were so Amy wouldn't have to bother them.  So I became a deputized nurse.  I learned how to plug and unplug the equipment for bathroom time and a couple of other fun nursing things.  But I loved it.  A little inside info on Men.  We want to fix anything and everything.  It is our nature.  When we can't fix something we get frustrated and feel like we are worthless.  Giving me jobs such as playing nurse for Amy kept me sane.  It also allowed me to prove my love for her.
  Wednesday night was a bad night for me.  I was exhausted.  I didn't get much sleep the night before on my 5 foot cot and I was stressed pretty much to the max.  I am like my Mom, I handle crises really well.  I stay calm and take care of things really well.  But as soon as the crisis is over I am down for the count.  I passed out around 8:15 pm.  We usually watch Ed but I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I was down for the count.  About four hours later I awoke with a start and looked at my wife only to see her just beginning to cry.  I was immediately worried and asked her what was wrong.  Believe me when I say that was the wrong question.  She replied in an acid tone, "NOTHING, go BACK to SLEEP."  Uh oh.  The tone said I was in trouble but what could I have done, I was asleep.  How do you upset your wife when you are asleep.  Apparently being asleep is more than enough to upset my wife.  I asked again, "Baby, what's wrong, do I need to call the nurse?"  She said, "I tried that already and she hasn't come back, it doesn't matter, no one wants to help me."  I said "Why didn't you wake me up?"  Uh oh!  Ever have that dream where you are taking a test that you haven't studied for?  Well I finally coaxed the story out of her.  Here it is.  " I tried to wake you up.  I through two packages of saltine crackers at you.  I threw a metal spoon at you and you didn't even move.  I finally unhooked all this stuff and walked over to you.  I rubbed your arm and called your name and got nothing.  I picked the pack of crackers that I threw at you off your chest and put my elbow in your ribs and all you did was open you eyes and say, hey that hurts stop it.  Then you rolled over and went back to sleep.  So I gave up and went back to bed." 
  So there I am, woke from a deep sleep by my wife's sniffle.  Crackers and spoon being hurled at me- NOTHING!  A sniffle and a tear- Instant Awake.  I can't explain it.  Any way, all she wanted was a snack.  Something sweet.  So I put my shoes on and went to the refrigerator down the hall for Ice Cream and cereal.  When I got back she was happy and I started laughing.  She looked at and I said, "Sorry honey, but I was just thinking you couldn't be mad at me for being asleep, but somehow you pulled it off and I apologized for it.  You are the QUEEN!"  She has me so well trained that if she says she is hot/cold I automatically get up and change the setting on the thermostat, even if I am happy with the temperature.  She is good.  But, as I said earlier, I love her and would do almost anything for her (only exception was discussed earlier) 
  We did a lot of laying around and watching TV.  Amy was poked and prodded a few more times but mostly we just watched TV.  One of the few bright spots was the Starbucks that was in the hospital.  The person that came up with that idea should be made a saint.  Even though I don't know what I am ordering, if I tell the guy what I want it to taste like he makes it. 
  Late Thursday morning we were told all the tests came back negative and that we were being released to go home.  We were happy and all we needed was the Doc's signature.  I know that Doctors have bad hand writing but apparently they are really slow writers as well because three and a half hours later the nurse came in and said he had finished signing it and we were free to go.  Yeah, we were paroled!  The only stipulation was that Amy was to be on bed rest from here on out.  Another funny side note, Wal-mart was specifically named as a no-no.  Somehow her reputation preceded her.  As my wife begin to cry about this my wallet burst out in singing and thanks.  Now I can go back to my favorite sport, Speed Shopping!  Pregnant women walk really slow! 
  Remember I said men like to fix things.  Knowing my wife's bitterness and the withdrawals she will go through with no Wal-mart I began to think of a solution.  Any one who knows my wife knows she is rather tiny.  She ways 125 lbs at 30 weeks.  So I suggested we get one of those baby backpacks only toddler size and I could just cart her around town like that.  It didn't go over as well as I expected!  Back to the drawing board.  Maybe a shopping cart with a motorcycle  motor attached.
  We are home now and happy to be here.  Amy is a little bruised and battered from the poking and prodding, but she still has my son living inside her and for that I thank God and give her and the Docs all the praise in the world.  I know I didn't have much to do with it, but I was there for her (sometimes I had to be woke up but I still don't think I should be held accountable for that) and God and the Air Force willing I will continue to be there for her.  She is my wife and the mother of my son and she is my hero. 
  I know this was a little long but the last three days were long to.  I hope you smiled a few times and that you see a little of our lives that you wouldn't normally get to see.  Until next time I leave you with a few more things I have learned. 
 
Things I have learned  continued......
11.  Amy doesn't like needles.  I know this was in the last one but trust me, it bears repeating!!!!
12.  Hospital Labor and Delivery Wards have spare beds for the husband.  They are not made by Sealy Postupedic! 
13.  Pregnant Women hooked up to 400 sensors and monitors have to pee ALOT!!!
14.  Pregnant women don't like it when their husbands can sleep and they can not.
15.  Metal spoons that are hurled at you while you sleep don't hurt enough to wake you up but a sniffle and a tear hitting a pillow are better than a glass of cold water      thrown at you.
16.  Whoever thought of putting a Starbucks in a hospital should be revered along with the likes of Gandhi and George Washington.
17.  Ambulance drivers from the same place as your wife make her ride a lot nicer and are an answer to prayer.
18.  The drive from Ft Walton beach to Pensacola takes 45 minutes at 11 pm and 2 hours at 11 am. 
19.  Pregnant women get car sick very easily.
20.  Two hours of uninterrupted sleep are all you need to make it three days when your wife and child are in the hospital.

 

Thursday, November 6, 2003

It has been a while since I wrote anything.  Sorry about that.  Well, I am convinced I am killing my wife.  She is always bruised and sick.  The other day I slammed her head into the window sill, ok, I didn't slam her head, she was sitting down in my lap and lost her balance and smacked her head.  I guess I trip her a lot cause she is always just about to fall.  I call her my weeble-wobble, she teeters and totters.  The other day I waited for her to catch up to me before going down the stairs, she asked why and I said, do you remember why I call you a weeble-wobble?  I managed to poison her with my germs because she ended up with my head cold!

 

   I also think I am causing her to loose her mind.  She can't remember anything.  In the middle of a sentence she just........what was I saying? 

 

   I have become intimate with the Arby's girls.  They know us almost as well as all 25 Wal-Mart cashiers.  I now have the Shawn Special, a medium curly fry, cheddar cheese sauce and a medium strawberry soda- no ice!  Ask for a #45, don't super-size it though.  I drove up to the place where you order today and you know how they ask if you would like to try a value meal or whatever their speal is?  Not me, I got, "Hello Mr. Holmes how are Amy and Blayne?  Will you be having the Shawn Special today?"  When I got to the menu Yolanda asked me where Amy was and how she was feeling?  Mac and cheese has replaced every other food in my diet besides nerds, spree and Strawberry Icee's.  The good side is that every couple weeks the craving changes and she wants something new, hopefully next weeks craving will be steak or something I like!!!

 

   I have learned a few things as well,
1- What do Hallmark commercials, country songs about kids and letters from me to her have in common?  They make pregnant women cry, alot!
2- strong smells are BAD!!!!!
3- Amy doesn't like needles.
4- Pregnant women have no coordination.
5- They also have no memory (unless the husband does something wrong-nothing affects that part of a woman's mind apparently)
6- Don't take your pregnant wife down the Halloween candy aisle. ( I should have bought stock in Willy Wonka)
7- Pregnant women pee ALOT!!!
8- Pregnant women need 22 pillows, or one really long, warped one and one regular pillow.
9- Pregnant women need lots of room on the bed, apparently the middle of the bed is a lot more comfortable than their side.
10- The Discovery Health channel should not put TV shows on that show bad births.

 

  I guess that is all for now, I would just like to say that I am totally and fully in love with my wife.  She is my dream girl.  Brittney Spears held that position for a while but Amy has knocked her out of the ring and reigns supreme in my heart.  I could not imagine my life without her.  I can not wait to have my son and hold him in my arms.  I can not wait to be a father! 
 
Until next time remember, buy stock in Willy Wonka and ...................  what was I saying?
Shawn

Monday, September 29, 2003

Hi Mom,
  Here is my journal entry for the web site..
 
   Today I was privileged to feel my son kick for the first time.  At first I thought Amy was messing with me and making her stomach move.  It just felt to hard for it to have been baby Blayne.  I mean it was a hard bump.  It seemed to have moved her whole stomach, we are talking 50 yard field goal kick!!.  It could not have been him, it had to be Amy teasing me.  But I felt it again and she promised me it wasn't her.  I just sat there with a smile on my face.  I didn't react a lot and that hurt Amy's feelings.  Amy, I am sorry I hurt your feelings by not being real excited, but you have to understand, that kind of makes it real for me.  Sure I have see the ultrasound pictures and heard the heart beat, but now I have "felt" my son.  All of a sudden it was real.  I am going to be a father!  It kind of stunned me.  Baby, believe me, I am very excited, too excited for words.  I have felt my son move.  Until I hold him in my arms I don't think I can be more proud, of him or of you.  You are my wife and the mother of my child and I love you and him more than life.  Please don't ever doubt my excitement again, sometimes I just get overwhelmed with emotions and don't now how to express them until I sort them out.  I am a guy after all.  I love you and I love my soccer kicker of a son!
The Proud Father,
Shawn

 

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